broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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