After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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