So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
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shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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