but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
