a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I think people are normalizing furries
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
