farters have to be the big spoon...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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