When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
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You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
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We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize