I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
