I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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