windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
