GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
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No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
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I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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