she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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