you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
