i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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