and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
