So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
