oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
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Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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