Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
