his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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