new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
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He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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