What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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