Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
