I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
