btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
