just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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