I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
True strength comes from lack of pants
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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