so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
