Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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