found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
