just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
