Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
