Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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