You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
