dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
