I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
