update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
