4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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