So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
