hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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