why didn't you poke me back
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
