Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
