Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
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I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
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I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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