I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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