Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
