I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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