But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
