I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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