Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
