I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
