I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
