if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
