my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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