So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
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He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
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Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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