hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
