Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
